Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s I played some early-gen video games from time to time. In that era’s version of video games, the objective was usually to steer a pixelated object through various ‘levels’ of other pixelated nonsense. A frog through traffic, an Italian plumber through mushroom and lava filled dreamscapes; those were the scenarios. As you, the player, piloted your little pixelated cartoon through each ‘level’, the degree of difficulty would increase. Life can be kind of like a 90’s video game at times.
Before our little sire joined the fold, I felt like Britt and I had basically kinda beat our own respective games and as a result, advanced to a level where we could play the game as team in “easy” mode. When we found out our family was about to grow, I did not realize that we had unintentionally pressed ‘start’ on an entirely new game with a fresh set of challenges and levels to work through. I honestly don’t think that I understood how much free time, hobbies, exercise and other things that new parents had to give up for the sake of parenthood, until our little dude came along. I never experienced any of this with my daughter, since she never lived with me and was always cared for by a third party when I could not be with her. It’s possible that my ignorance was partially due to the fact that many of my peers employ full time nannies to raise their children. I could have also just been totally blind to what was going in their home life. At any rate, being productive is tough while also trying to help a very curious and mobile little kid to not light the house on fire, fall down a staircase and/or lock themselves in the washing machine, etc..
Buuuut, there are those moments where the stars align. Everyone is sleeping well, eating right, generally in good spirits and all of the other positive vibey factors are hitting right. During those sweet spots, which tend to last for a maximum of a couple of days, life feels pretty normal; even great. During those brief stints, everyone enjoys each other’s company, I find time to hang out with my little dude, plus do all of the other stuff that I like to do (often with the whole fam doing things we all like to do). These moments fall squarely into the easiest level of parenting.
Then there are the times when either Britt, myself, or both of us are drowning in work and/or family obligations. Those time are a bit more taxing than when in the sweet spot. Unlike 90’s video games, “up-down-A-B-A-B” is not going to give you a magical power-up in this instance, and at least one of the other players on your team has a controller with some buttons that are glitching. Stress levels are higher, sleep is usually less abundant and people are generally just grouchy. In those phases, one or the other of us usually spends an outsized amount more bandwidth than normal on domestic items, primarily related to childcare. Not an ideal situation, but typically we can soldier through with the knowledge that things will calm down a bit when x, y or z is resolved. Hobbies and self care are typically sidelined in this scenario, but health and sanity stay intact. Level two accomplished.
If raising a child at home was just a series of oscillations between levels one and two, it would be no problem. Yeah man, work is work, and one of us might have some calls with a kid yelling into the headset while the other has to do 90 loads of laundry and dishes sans assistance. It’s annoying but ultimately not that big of a deal, because level one is right around the corner, even if only for day or two.
Unfortunately for all three players on our team, we have recently unlocked a new level. In this level everyone is sick. All. The. Time. Like, for weeks in a row, in various stages of incapacitation. Forget about hobbies, self care, happiness, and all of that stuff. In these instances the main focus is keeping the child alive, keeping your spouse alive (also just keeping your spouse, generally) and hopefully you are able to stay alive as well. We were living in the throes of level 3 for nearly six weeks starting in late April. During that time, we successfully filled our punch cards at the pediatrician, the local minute clinic and even threw in a weekend visit to the ER for good measure! Prior to this experience, neither Britt nor I had ever been sick for more than a couple of days in our adult lives. Similarly, I can’t remember the last time that I was sick enough to get me into a doctor’s office. Alas, parenthood! Nobody told us!
I’m happy to report that we all survived relatively unscathed. I’m bracing myself for what level four will bring. But for now, I’ll enjoy our time safely back at level one, even if only for a day or two.